dhaosu | Post-Trial, Week 7, 8:00 PM

[ There's a million thoughts going through Yoite's head at the moment, all crashing into one another. He had stayed to watch the execution not saying a word, and it was probably a plus that he couldn't really hear any of the words spoken by the others. After he talked to Charlotte, he had pretty much zoned out.

Then the death shocks hit and it's not a surprise-- he almost welcomed them because they were a type of pain he was familiar with. Like always he never stuck around after, except this time he didn't even bother to look and see what Dhaos was up to, because he didn't care. Pure adrenaline got him as far as his room (and purposely he picked his own room, something he hasn't done in weeks) where he promptly proceeded to cough up the most blood he has in... since he could remember, actually. It almost surprised him that he has this much blood to throw up, still.

He doesn't answer when Dhaos knocks or speaks, but the doors unlocked because he was in too much of a rush to secure it. Truthfully he has no words, as he's too busy crying-- his tears mixed in with the blood from his dying lungs.]

Edited 2016-04-04 06:14 (UTC)

...Yoite?

[ Dhaos opens the door, slowly, when he hears no answer, and then. Well-- ]

[ He comes closer, and yes. He might be paling a bit when he spots that blood. First he checks to make sure if Yoite is lying on the bed, or standing or what not. Because if he isn't on the bed, he will try to do something about that in a bit. ]

[ The bed is way too far for his addled body at the moment-- he's curled up in a ball on the floor a few feet from the door. Between how upset he is and how much his body hurts it's hard to talk, but he manages to get out a few words between crying and trying to breathe: ]

I'm so stupid...

From what I have seen, you have displayed quite the intellectual capabilities compared to the rest of those here.

[ Dhaos quickly went to work. He made a movement to carefully pick Yoite up, before gently depositing him into his bed. Then, as for whatever mess?

The blond decides to clean it up himself by grabbing a wet rag and soap for whatever blood the boy coughed up on the floor. It wouldn't do to wait until any possible cleaning crew or what not. ]

[ Like before, he doesn't fight Dhaos when he touches him. He's too exhausted to put up a struggle, and Dhaos is the only person here whose touch he doesn't actually hate.]

...not that way. [ He takes a deep breath and forces himself to cry less, if only so he can talk.]

For getting close to others. I know it can only lead to one thing, and I did it anyway. [ And he was doing it again right now, and he hated it. He needs to do something, anything, so he takes off his gloves (which are beyond ruined at this point) and stares at his blackened hands.

They remind him of who he is, who he should be, a person who kills others. A person who isn't weighed down by emotions, whose mind is clear.]

...she asked me a week ago if she should be the person she really was. I told her yes.

... I believe at this point, getting close to someone was inevitable.

[ Dhaos had loathed the idea at the beginning himself, so he could understand. He especially understood because of what happened with Selena. Due to that, he almost drew away, but he knew better now. Being by yourself in a place like this?

It meant certain death.

Dhaos easily finishes cleaning up the mess, and goes to check if Yoite has any clean gloves in the room. ]

So, you believe by saying that, it was your fault for her taking that action and killing those people?

...I should know better. I do know better. [ Dhaos will find that there is an entire drawer full of gloves, 99% percent of which are shades of tan. There's one pair on the top though that sticks out, as it's pink.]

I don't know. [ He shakes his head because he really can't get a grasp on his thoughts right now.]

I kill people so others don't have to. There's no redemption for me, this body has killed since it was born.

It is difficult. But, ultimately, perhaps being closer to someone can make it possible for one to survive this "game" a little longer.

[ He looks at the pink one and he wonders who... then maybe he can make a conclusion on his own soon after. He then turns around to face Yoite after taking the tan one. He makes a note of the pink pair.

He comes towards Yoite with the tan pair. ]

...Yet. What do you mean by 'killed since you were born'?

[ If he thinks of it like that, it's almost palatable. But deep down he knows this is a point he conceded weeks ago when he agreed to room with Dhaos in the first place. It's probably only Dhaos' presence that's keeping him somewhat together at this point too.

His eyes go wide for a second--- Yoite had told Dhaos many things (many of which he would never tell her), but the reason they had begun to talk in the first place was because of something she found out by accident. Something he hadn't told Dhaos.]

My mother I- I killed her when I was born. [ He takes the pair but doesn't put them on just yet. He needs to see his blackened hands right now, a physical reminder of who he is. There's still tears falling down his face but less so. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep his emotions from spilling out.]

[ Dhaos' eyebrows furrow at his words. But, how...?

In the meanwhile, he checks if Yoite has any blood on his face or anything, because why not. Let's be real, he is probably considering this young human his responsibility at this point, like he had with Winona, so. ]

... So she died when you were born, then?

[ In childbirth, he assumes. He just wants to make sure. ]

[ There's just a bit of blood on his face, a small line from his mouth. He may be a wreck right now, but he's used to dealing with his condition as best he could, so it's not too messy all things considered.]

Yeah... [ A lot more thoughts come to mind: " I was supposed to be her daughter, but I killed her instead.", " I was never Sora, I could never be Tsukasa's sibling because I wasn't alive to begin with", but he can't bring himself to say them.]

Dhaos, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to go home and complete missions and find the Shinrabanshou. I'm tired of these feelings, I hate them, it's why I threw them away.

But I can't even do that anymore.

[ The fact it's still there prompts him to grab another cloth, this one clean. As squeamish as he is about blood and whatnot, he can tolerate it if it's not really for his own sake. ]

Mm.

[ He sits himself down on the bed beside him. ]

... I know it will not be easy. However, it's all coming to an end... soon. Though we shall have to face what comes then, I doubt it'd be the same as it is now.

[ 'Soon'. He means within six weeks after this. ]

It's true, being here makes feelings hard to hide, or bottle up. It is inevitable. But whether or not you cannot hide them anymore, I shall be always glad to assist you through them. Supporting each other is the best way to not lose ourselves to the madness of this "game".

[ He looks blankly at the cloth, not really sure what to say.]

Soon. Time isn't something I have. [ It's something he's mostly put aside since week 1, but he hasn't really forgotten about it either. How could he?

It's an easy thing to roll up his sleeves without his gloves on, and he does so. Without clothing covering his arms it's apparent that the black on his hands is spreading up his arms, slowly but surely. It's splotchy and there's even marks on his chest at this point, even if they're not visible now.]

I can't die here. [Increasingly he felt like he was fated to, no matter what choice he made.]

[ But his expression softens a bit at the others words.]

I still don't understand why you want to. But I'm sorry I can't offer you enough. [ And with that he starts crying again.]

......

No, you can't.

[ What else can he say to that? Dhaos saw the black marks very easily on his arms, and his lips tightened, if only for a little bit.

He hopes Yoite doesn't mind, but he reaches over to at least put his hand gently on his shoulder, feeling like he should do something as he spots the male in front of him crying. ]

At this point, you have already given enough. You do not need to give any more.

[ He tenses at the touch but doesn't pull back. It's not a bad thing necessarily (at least when it came from Dhaos), but it still wasn't something he was used to.]

...if I don't-- please tell Miharu I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise.

[ He presses his lips into a thin line. ]

...Very well. If, that should occur.

[ He lets out a sigh.] Thank you. [ For a second he looks away, and wipes away his tears with his hand. At least he's no longer crying, and it's to the point where he's exhausted most of the feelings he had.]

...I still have some time. [ It concerns him, because before he came here he could judge his life accurately. But here it was too erratic to really do so.] I'm not blind yet.

That is good.

[ He releases a soft sigh. He is a bit embarrassed for it, but he was not too surprised that he cared so much. He then holds the rag out to Yoite, for the bit of blood still on his mouth. ]

Then, in the meanwhile we can only do our best.

[ Oh. He takes the rag and wipes at his mouth, cleaning off the blood. When he's done he cleans his hands before slipping on the new pair of gloves.]

Yeah. [ He's a bit muted because his chest still hurts, but the physical pain is more preferable than an emotional one. Though he knows he should rest so the pain fades, he feels like he has to say one more thing:]

They're getting worse, it's going to be harder. [ "They" meaning... pretty much the majority of humans in Lebensbaum. Look Dhaos, he's totally learning.]

They are.

[ Dhaos has always been concerned about this. But, he thinks of another thing. ]

That said...

We are simply going to require to stick together, or not leave our rooms after 10 PM on Thursdays. If one leaves the room around 9:30 PM or some such, we should inform the other.

Rising up early, unless one has immunity, shan't be done too often. But if it absolutely must be done, it should be after 6:00 AM, if not 6:30.

As for the trials... we shall see how they go. Generally, everyone is going to still wish to figure out who the culprit is, after all.

Alright. [ It's getting to the point where he really didn't want to deal with most people here, and he's always been practically a hermit when he's not on missions anyway.]

A murder is still a murder... someone's life shouldn't have more value than others just because they're popular. [ It's what bothered him so much about last trial. Yoite wasn't going to judge her for what she did, even if it was relatively awful. But the mob mentality disturbed him, even if he mostly acted on instinct to try to protect someone he felt a bond with.]

It's disgusting.

[ Dhaos was trying to stop three or four fights when it got really bad, so he couldn't weigh in verbally all that well. He didn't like what Sadie did and was angry at her too, but. People became cruel to others all around, and some even were willing to protect Rhys.

This was the type of thing Dhaos feared. Above anything else... people turning against one person and not trying to stop a fight. But simply jump in and attack. Losing themselves to anger.

Before it was truly confirmed Sadie even did anything. ]

Not to mention none of them truly tried to stop the fight. They all were ready to draw their weapons and fight.

They would have ganged up on her. [ His cause isn't noble, and he would never try to defend it as such. But he just wasn't going to let someone he actually cared for (even if it's still hard to admit to himself) be attacked like that.]

If they want someone to hate so much, they can hate me. [ Because it's what he's comfortable with.]

...Rhys' words could have been kept to himself as well near the end.

[ Even after the fact, Dhaos condemned that human's words. They were just so disgusting as well that ... well. ]

However, I'd rather they not hate you. That point hasn't been reached yet and I believe it should stay that way. It's now down to a fewer amount of individuals that their emotions, as you can see, will be affecting their judgment.

Who... they will want to vote for, regardless of guilt.

If it wouldn't cost me a piece of my life, I would have killed him a long time ago. [ Because sure he could kill him with a normal weapon, but that goes against everything he's lived for. Rhys didn't deserve a clean death, and with Kira he knew how to make people suffer, how to make people scream until they broke.

He regrets that he hadn't met him a few months ago, before he had promised Miharu that he would live.]

[ He frowns when he hears Dhaos' objection. It wasn't something he could understand, but he still didn't want to worry the other if he could help it.]

I don't mind if they do, it's what people have done my entire life. [ But then he supposes that it's in direct contradiction to him trying to live.]

...I'd rather stay out of it, but sometimes I can't take it.

Pah. If it weren't a waste of time even just to punch him I would have already done something myself.

[ That and he loathed violence. Despite his own hatred of humans (which now shifted to 'most humans' instead of 'all'), he didn't want to do such a thing, ever. He's had enough.

The only time he truly came close to even doing something here was when Vegeta did his thing and it was confirmed to be him. ]

That said, it will not always be easy to stay out of such things-- getting angry or frustrated with an individual is only natural during these trials. However, if you ever feel it's too much, you can draw away, or if you wait just a little bit, I will surely be glad to intervene and end whatever discussion that is causing trouble.

Edited 2016-04-05 05:47 (UTC)

It's not a waste of time. [ It feels good, but he's not going to put that out there in so many words.] He's weak and fragile for someone who talks too much.

...I'm not good at talking, and we don't settle things that way. ["We" being shinobi. Maybe he shouldn't be honest, but he couldn't committ to not acting again.]

Hn. I hope he regrets it soon. As of right now, it's not worth it for myself to waste energy on human scum like him.

[ Dhaos is just insanely good at holding himself back. It's a last resort and even then that's iffy. He'd likely just run away if it ever came to blows. ]

... I see. Then, feel free to leave it up to me to intervene should the situation become dire.

[ He'd like to teach Yoite more. How to be patient, or how to be able to settle a situation just by talking it out or walking away. But, there are multiple reasons why he'd fail in doing so. ]

Post-Trial, Week 7, 8:00 PM

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