dhaosu: (> hm?)
Dhaos ([personal profile] dhaosu) wrote2016-04-04 12:33 am
Entry tags:

Post-Trial, Week 7, 8:00 PM

[ Dhaos doesn't tarry too long after trial ends, which had been two hours or so ago. Because he's hurrying to his room, and opening the door to make sure Yoite is in there.

When he doesn't see him in there, he becomes a bit worried. He quickly retraces his steps back to Yoite's room and knocks upon the door, if it is closed. ]


Yoite? Are you present?
okuri: (feeble sun)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
[ There's a million thoughts going through Yoite's head at the moment, all crashing into one another. He had stayed to watch the execution not saying a word, and it was probably a plus that he couldn't really hear any of the words spoken by the others. After he talked to Charlotte, he had pretty much zoned out.

Then the death shocks hit and it's not a surprise-- he almost welcomed them because they were a type of pain he was familiar with. Like always he never stuck around after, except this time he didn't even bother to look and see what Dhaos was up to, because he didn't care. Pure adrenaline got him as far as his room (and purposely he picked his own room, something he hasn't done in weeks) where he promptly proceeded to cough up the most blood he has in... since he could remember, actually. It almost surprised him that he has this much blood to throw up, still.

He doesn't answer when Dhaos knocks or speaks, but the doors unlocked because he was in too much of a rush to secure it. Truthfully he has no words, as he's too busy crying-- his tears mixed in with the blood from his dying lungs.]
Edited 2016-04-04 06:14 (UTC)
okuri: (The night is shattered)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 01:31 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The bed is way too far for his addled body at the moment-- he's curled up in a ball on the floor a few feet from the door. Between how upset he is and how much his body hurts it's hard to talk, but he manages to get out a few words between crying and trying to breathe: ]

I'm so stupid...
okuri: (feeble sun)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 02:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Like before, he doesn't fight Dhaos when he touches him. He's too exhausted to put up a struggle, and Dhaos is the only person here whose touch he doesn't actually hate.]

...not that way. [ He takes a deep breath and forces himself to cry less, if only so he can talk.]

For getting close to others. I know it can only lead to one thing, and I did it anyway. [ And he was doing it again right now, and he hated it. He needs to do something, anything, so he takes off his gloves (which are beyond ruined at this point) and stares at his blackened hands.

They remind him of who he is, who he should be, a person who kills others. A person who isn't weighed down by emotions, whose mind is clear.]


...she asked me a week ago if she should be the person she really was. I told her yes.
okuri: (along the reaches)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 03:00 pm (UTC)(link)
...I should know better. I do know better. [ Dhaos will find that there is an entire drawer full of gloves, 99% percent of which are shades of tan. There's one pair on the top though that sticks out, as it's pink.]

I don't know. [ He shakes his head because he really can't get a grasp on his thoughts right now.]

I kill people so others don't have to. There's no redemption for me, this body has killed since it was born.
okuri: (the wall)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ If he thinks of it like that, it's almost palatable. But deep down he knows this is a point he conceded weeks ago when he agreed to room with Dhaos in the first place. It's probably only Dhaos' presence that's keeping him somewhat together at this point too.

His eyes go wide for a second--- Yoite had told Dhaos many things (many of which he would never tell her), but the reason they had begun to talk in the first place was because of something she found out by accident. Something he hadn't told Dhaos.]


My mother I- I killed her when I was born. [ He takes the pair but doesn't put them on just yet. He needs to see his blackened hands right now, a physical reminder of who he is. There's still tears falling down his face but less so. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep his emotions from spilling out.]
okuri: (fully weary of)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's just a bit of blood on his face, a small line from his mouth. He may be a wreck right now, but he's used to dealing with his condition as best he could, so it's not too messy all things considered.]

Yeah... [ A lot more thoughts come to mind: " I was supposed to be her daughter, but I killed her instead.", " I was never Sora, I could never be Tsukasa's sibling because I wasn't alive to begin with", but he can't bring himself to say them.]

Dhaos, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to go home and complete missions and find the Shinrabanshou. I'm tired of these feelings, I hate them, it's why I threw them away.

But I can't even do that anymore.
okuri: (the wall)

1/2

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He looks blankly at the cloth, not really sure what to say.]

Soon. Time isn't something I have. [ It's something he's mostly put aside since week 1, but he hasn't really forgotten about it either. How could he?

It's an easy thing to roll up his sleeves without his gloves on, and he does so. Without clothing covering his arms it's apparent that the black on his hands is spreading up his arms, slowly but surely. It's splotchy and there's even marks on his chest at this point, even if they're not visible now.]


I can't die here. [Increasingly he felt like he was fated to, no matter what choice he made.]
okuri: (feeble sun)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 08:33 pm (UTC)(link)
[ But his expression softens a bit at the others words.]

I still don't understand why you want to. But I'm sorry I can't offer you enough. [ And with that he starts crying again.]
okuri: (against the skin)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-04 11:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He tenses at the touch but doesn't pull back. It's not a bad thing necessarily (at least when it came from Dhaos), but it still wasn't something he was used to.]

...if I don't-- please tell Miharu I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise.
okuri: (I began to see)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
[ He lets out a sigh.] Thank you. [ For a second he looks away, and wipes away his tears with his hand. At least he's no longer crying, and it's to the point where he's exhausted most of the feelings he had.]

...I still have some time. [ It concerns him, because before he came here he could judge his life accurately. But here it was too erratic to really do so.] I'm not blind yet.
okuri: (of life)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
[ Oh. He takes the rag and wipes at his mouth, cleaning off the blood. When he's done he cleans his hands before slipping on the new pair of gloves.]

Yeah. [ He's a bit muted because his chest still hurts, but the physical pain is more preferable than an emotional one. Though he knows he should rest so the pain fades, he feels like he has to say one more thing:]

They're getting worse, it's going to be harder. [ "They" meaning... pretty much the majority of humans in Lebensbaum. Look Dhaos, he's totally learning.]
okuri: (bosom of the night)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
Alright. [ It's getting to the point where he really didn't want to deal with most people here, and he's always been practically a hermit when he's not on missions anyway.]

A murder is still a murder... someone's life shouldn't have more value than others just because they're popular. [ It's what bothered him so much about last trial. Yoite wasn't going to judge her for what she did, even if it was relatively awful. But the mob mentality disturbed him, even if he mostly acted on instinct to try to protect someone he felt a bond with.]
okuri: (welcome the darkness)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 04:04 am (UTC)(link)
They would have ganged up on her. [ His cause isn't noble, and he would never try to defend it as such. But he just wasn't going to let someone he actually cared for (even if it's still hard to admit to himself) be attacked like that.]

If they want someone to hate so much, they can hate me. [ Because it's what he's comfortable with.]
okuri: (I forget them)

1/2

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
If it wouldn't cost me a piece of my life, I would have killed him a long time ago. [ Because sure he could kill him with a normal weapon, but that goes against everything he's lived for. Rhys didn't deserve a clean death, and with Kira he knew how to make people suffer, how to make people scream until they broke.

He regrets that he hadn't met him a few months ago, before he had promised Miharu that he would live.]
okuri: (constellations)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
[ He frowns when he hears Dhaos' objection. It wasn't something he could understand, but he still didn't want to worry the other if he could help it.]

I don't mind if they do, it's what people have done my entire life. [ But then he supposes that it's in direct contradiction to him trying to live.]

...I'd rather stay out of it, but sometimes I can't take it.
okuri: (into rows)

[personal profile] okuri 2016-04-05 01:26 pm (UTC)(link)
It's not a waste of time. [ It feels good, but he's not going to put that out there in so many words.] He's weak and fragile for someone who talks too much.

...I'm not good at talking, and we don't settle things that way. ["We" being shinobi. Maybe he shouldn't be honest, but he couldn't committ to not acting again.]